ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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