I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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