connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
