So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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