i jhust puked up my retainher.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
