why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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