My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
