so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
