What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
