After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
