Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
