I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
