all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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