have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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