1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
