i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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