don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
