Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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