I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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