I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
