swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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