don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
