his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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