VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Shame - the story of my life.
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