after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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