After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
