You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
