I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
