some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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