dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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