i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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