You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
