I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
