So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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