My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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