My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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