dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
