i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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