Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
