I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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