you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
