Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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