in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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