day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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