I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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