i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
