respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
