Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
