No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
