I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
