As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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