when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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