2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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