We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sext me about skeletons
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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