Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We got so high we made milksteak
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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