you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
