I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
