HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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