Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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