Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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