I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize