So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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