wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
