Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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